I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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