If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
