Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
