I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
