I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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