omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
