she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize