If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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