I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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