did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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