Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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