Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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