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stop calling my apartment porn island.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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