i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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