OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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