On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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