please come you make the beer taste better
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize