xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
