Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
