3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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