we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
