Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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