I heard we made out
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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