There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
