God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
