a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize