Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
