...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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