I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
