I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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