john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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