I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
