Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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