We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
