I love black thongs
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
