I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Randomize
