Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
