you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
