he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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