Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize