Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
