ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
