Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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