yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think my vagina is haunted
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
