I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
