"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
