remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
