He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
