she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
