then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
