Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
