people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
