May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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