i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
