you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
