i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
