Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize