Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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