i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
