the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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