I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
