Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
