we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize