Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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