IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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