he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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