i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
