woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
