Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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