wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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