Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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