Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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