If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
