No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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