Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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