no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
